Transforming Emotional Waves into Clear Skies

We are all just a set of programming and beliefs contributed by our environment, country, culture, family upbringing, friends, and education among a few things. Patterns and cycles are trauma-bound into us and we have to decide to look into them and reflect instead of accepting them as is. These beliefs just hold us back from living freely because society has confused staying still as safe and change or growth as scary and uncertain. Being comfortable in uncertainty is a skill that will set us free and help us become flexible in the constant cycle of breaking our patterns and finding a life that is better suited for us. Distinguishing between what programming is working for us and what is harming us. That's evolution.

Why do you want to process emotions or clear programming or trauma responses? Because it increases our bandwidth for what we can handle in life. Our capacity for handling high-pressure situations is directly correlated with the ability to have more extremely beautiful and magical moments. Sometimes I’ll hang out with a friend and at the end of the day they would say that this was the most fun-filled, peaceful, and joyful day that they’ve had. But the interesting thing is that it's just another Tuesday for me. It’s not that I am someone special but I have worked on creating a magical and joy-filled life for myself. Sometimes when new friends hear the hardships that I have gone through they feel traumatized just hearing it and wonder how I am still a life-affirming person. For the same reason - I have worked on not letting these situations crush me but have equipped myself with skills to handle them so that I am bigger than my problems. Now when I feel overwhelmed by sadness I enjoy my ability to feel, my ability to care, and my ability to create space for such pure and innocent emotion.

But what do we do when we are amid the storm trying to ground ourselves and get back into “control”? When I am experiencing a wave of emotions or feel out of balance in a situation I like to take a step back or zoom out of the situation. These situations also include the negative monologues we have - not feeling good enough, feeling unloved, or just unsatisfied with ourselves. Try to distinguish between facts (about me or the situation) as well as what emotion I am experiencing.

Identifying the emotion is the easy part. Then we can sit to process it and try to figure out what memory or pattern is coming up for us to clear. We all are quite aware of most of our programming so you can start to explore them in a safe space and in this blog, I have outlined the process I follow. Every person processes emotions in a different way so what I have shared is just one way that I use that you could base your process on.

The keyword “Reference point” is a good way to snap ourselves out of the spiral that emotions take us on. Our thoughts and feelings are like clouds. They will pass and we will see clear skies. We tend to forget this and feel like we need to solve the emotion or act upon it and make an emotion-clouded jump which might just end up hurting us in the future. Instead, why not make life simpler for us and everyone around us and let the emotion pass through? Make decisions from a clearer mind space. Look at all the emotional situations as reference points that will pass. Mind you, if we were taught to ground and let emotions pass when we were children these spirals would not be so out of control as they become when we mature.

You might have experienced this - when you’re overwhelmed then even dropping a single pencil can trigger a huge reaction or outburst. But the same mishap could be something you brush past on another day when your mood is better. Similarly, however big the problem is you can always handle it. This doesn't mean swallowing your emotions or intellectualizing them away but it means having a game plan ready to process and create space for the emotion.

Example: I don't like to be shushed as it triggers memories from my childhood where my voice and emotions were often belittled. One day, while talking to a friend, I got excited and started jumping around. She couldn't handle all that energy and, due to a miscommunication, I felt she asked me to shut up. I was furious and triggered, but what were the facts? 1. This friend is in my life for her kindness, love, and emotional intelligence. 2. She would never hurt me consciously and is very understanding. 3. She has no responsibility to handle my situations or unpack my programming. 4. This situation likely hurts because of my past, not because her words were truly hurtful. I recognize the memory or emotions coming up - I felt like a little girl again, small and unheard. I validate myself first by talking to that little Sarah. Once the problem feels smaller than me, I speak to my friend to understand what she actually said and meant. It's usually a tiny misunderstanding, and if needed, we decide what words to avoid until I have processed and let go of the pain of being belittled.

Make the process of creating space, clearing an emotion, and making the problem smaller than your abilities, a habit. Practising this will increase your capacity for handling uncomfortable situations and making them into just simple obstacles that you elegantly step over. The process of unpacking the traumatizing memories that are hidden away in our bodies, looking at them with eyes of love, and then one day letting them go to create space for new memories, sad or happy, is a wonderful part of being human.